High school is unforgettable. For me, it was both the happiest and the hardest time of my life. I had a taste of both sides; it started out memorable… and ended up being traumatic. I suppose it’s the same for many Indian teens out there.
My 9th and 10th grades were some of my most favourite moments of my life. Even though COVID destroyed parts of it, they were still quite memorable. Online school suited me perfectly. No more getting up early, doing the whole hurry-burry, and running to catch my school bus. I could set my own schedule; I was my own boss. It almost felt too good to be true.
I had great friends and never felt the need to change my personality. Even with the 10th boards coming up and schools reopening, I never felt pressured to study. It’s not like I didn’t study; in fact, I had a routine of waking up at 4 a.m. to study till 7, and another 3 hours after school. But it was my own choice, my own interest, and I genuinely liked it.
The school wasn’t hectic either. I hung out with friends during breaks, played games, and we hardly spoke about studies outside class hours. My scores were pretty good, too. I wasn’t the topper, and I didn’t feel the need to be. I had a perfect balance in life, and for once, I was just a happy teen enjoying my school days.
Just as I was happy about doing well in boards, came the next chapter, grades 11 and 12. Everyone was splitting into different streams and colleges, and I had to make one of the most difficult choices of my life: picking a +2 college. Thanks to my grades, I had options, but I kept jumping back and forth between them. Finally, I chose a college known for its entrance exam coaching. I thought I was making the right choice. I had no idea it was the start of my trauma.
This college had the most ridiculous rules. Interaction between boys and girls was strictly prohibited, so much so that we had to use different corridors to avoid speaking to each other. Their reason? To avoid relationships, so we could “focus on studies.” I agree we should focus, but the way they implemented it was terrible.
The entire environment was extremely study-focused, almost like a factory for producing toppers. Teachers drilled us every day to boost the college’s name. Students were brainwashed into believing that marks were the most important thing in life. Friendships were based on academic performance, not values. Jealousy replaced admiration.
What shocked me most was that the college paid students for extraordinary marks. A reward could have been anything else, but money? That turned studying into a transaction for some and fueled jealousy for others. Breaks were seen as laziness. Sleeping 8 hours was a “crime.”
My health started breaking down, I fell sick almost every month, missed classes, and struggled to keep up. The more I fell behind, the more stressed I became. Anxiety caught up quickly, and breakdowns became normal.
You can’t talk to your “college friends” because they aren’t really your friends. Your old school friends have schedules of their own. You don’t tell your parents because you don’t want them to worry. You’re just stuck, fighting a battle with no plan, heading nowhere. Slowly, your grades drop, your confidence disappears, and you start hating yourself.
In just two years, the cheerful, confident version of me was gone. I had turned into someone I barely recognized. I hope one day people stop measuring students by their ranks and start valuing them for their perseverance, kindness, and dreams. Marks might make you competitive, but they will never make you human.
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