When I was young, I always saw homesickness as something
weak and silly that young adults went through. It felt like a foreign concept
to me, since I had already started sleeping alone when I was just 8 years old.
Maybe in Western countries, this doesn’t sound like a big deal; that’s the norm
there. But in an Indian household, it’s different. Most of my friends still
preferred to sleep with their parents. It’s a cultural thing... especially with
girls, who usually sleep close to their mothers, while boys are often
encouraged to sleep alone much earlier.
I started arguing with my parents to let me sleep alone in my room when I was
in the 3rd grade. The thought of sleeping alone in my room felt so tempting; it
felt like my first step toward independence. My mom wasn’t pleased with my
decision. She wanted to adore me and keep me close before I grew up too fast.
Relatives always complained that I was too dependent on my mom, that I never
went anywhere without her. But it wasn’t really like that; I was just protecting
my boundaries. My “escape route” was to stick with my mom whenever someone
tried to cross them. I feel like in India, many people don’t really understand
the idea of respecting boundaries. Maybe that’s why so many fights happen in
households.
As a kid, I had to survive giant family functions where elders loved teasing
children, especially the quiet ones. I was naturally reserved, and when I ran
to my mom, I was instantly labeled timid, cowardly, or weak. Back then, I didn’t
know the term boundary, but their taunts stayed with me, and I always felt the
need to prove them wrong. That’s why sleeping alone became my first step toward
independence.
It started with me sleeping on a mattress on the floor near my parents, then
gradually moving further away, until I finally began sleeping in my own room.
But even then, it wasn’t enough to silence my relatives. They kept picking on
random things about me. Now that I’m older, I wonder if all those efforts were
just attempts to pull me down and assert their dominance, while trying to make
their kids look superior. What they didn’t realize was that by doing this, they
weren’t just hurting me; they were teaching their own kids nothing but ego and
unhealthy competition.
Over time, I began detaching from these toxic people and avoiding family functions. For a while, I thought I had finally found peace and could focus on my growth. But jealousy and insecurity came back this time, not only from elders but even from cousins. The toxicity doubled, the distance grew, and the detest became clearer. Once again, peace slipped away.
Now, my way of coping is simple: I ignore them, keep my distance, and never share my personal growth or activities with them. Some might see it as running away, but honestly.... why would I get my hands dirty with such negativity?
I used to think the newer generation would be different, that we’d be smart enough to break this cycle. But I’ve realized it’s less about generation and more about upbringing. For now, the only thing I can do is hope people start reflecting on their actions and make a conscious effort to change.
